Thursday, May 28, 2015

Book Signing

For those of you interested I will be at a book signing for 'The Mosaic II" with the other authors involved in creating this anthology. Even if you can't make it, let me know that you would like a signed book and I will get that for you.

The location will be in the Double Tree Hotel in Ontario California in the Strawberry Peak banquet room. The signing will be on June 13th from 10 a.m. until noon.

Thanks guys for your support, be sure to share this with all of your book worm friends! 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Stream of Consciousness


I hate stream of consciousness exercises.

And relationships are bullshit.

Thanks I just had to get that off my chest. And that doesn’t just go for those damned love interest type relationships either. I mean for all relationships. The idealized friendship, the father-daughter, mother-son whatever-ness is just that, idealized bullshit. You and everybody else is not ever going to get or have that idealized relationship, it doesn’t matter what it is, and if it seems like someone does have it, cool your jets, don’t go and be all jealous and shit, they don’t have it either. Trust me, behind closed doors, they are just as lost and confused and uncertain as you are, if not more so, because now they have something that they could lose. If they get unhappy with the relationship and they walk away from it…what if they never find another relationship as good, or as stable as the one they walked away from? So they, in the end, are trapped as well. I’m sure not all relationships are miserable, I’m sure there are friendships, and family relations that are quite comfortable with each other and don’t see each other in these negative terms, but I’m in a bitchy mood, so let’s not focus no them right now. Even the relationships that are all rosy and shit have their ups and down. There are arguments and hard times, and then they work through it or don’t, they forgive and forget, or don’t. The one thing that is a for sure thing, is you, you will always be around, and when you aren’t you won’t be around to notice it. But even you will change, what you view as important will shift… what you want. Everything is always in flux, but at the end of the day, we all have to sleep with ourselves, we have to live with the decisions that we make each and every day, not the decisions of others, that’s their problem. That’s their “stuff”. As for what we do and do not do, it is all about what you’re okay with, are you ok with just living out your life, without making much of an impact on anyone’s lives? I imagine there are a lot of people who do just that with their lives: nothing. For them, there is a special boring place for them in the after-life I think, a boring place, full of other boring people like them, being boring.

So what do I want? What do I want from life? What do I want to achieve? Do I want to leave a legacy? No, not really. Everything will fade away at some point in time, everybody is forgotten, so to make it a goal to be known for something seems to be futile. Kinda like those bricks we all see of people’s names in walkways and public spaces, we might read them, but they are just carved letters in a block, with no real meaning to us. They could actually be new bricks too, and no one knows whose names those are…damn. So even a name in stone doesn’t add up to much.
Do I want notoriety or acknowledgement in my own life? Some kind of nod of approval from society? If I ever do something worthy of praise, I suppose some acknowledgement would be nice, but it is not really a need or craving that I have.

So what do I want? If the ideal relationship is not a reality, what do I want? I don’t know. And that’s the problem, I don’t know.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Puppies

Long hair
Short hair
Curly little mess.

Dark eyes
Light eyes
I love them all the best.

Long snout
Short snout
Smushed little face.

Pointy ears
Floppy ears
You stumble full of grace.

Short and stubby
Long and curly
Your tail tells all the tales.

Loud bark
Quiet bark 
Screechy little yip!

White teeth
Pointy teeth
All smiles no nip.

Soft and silky
course and rough
I will pet you all the same.

Tug-of-warring
Stick fetching
or just plain boring.

 I love every single solitary one.

And everyone loves me. 

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Untitled

You shot someone today,
And she looked just like me
You heard the crack
Before I felt the snap of myself.

You cut me to the quick!
The granite stillness of my limbs
The silent croaking chill.

You used me and you destroyed me for a muse.

I could applaud her for her achievement
Though it ends in my bereavement

It failed its assignment.
You heart, the cursed thing,
It only sorrows bring. 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Lone Heart

The pale rosy glow
Of winter’s cruel cold
Elegantly paints you skin.

Though I stand by
Heart in my throat, at the sight
My eyes proceed to roam.

Too entrances to leave,
Too embarrassed to stare.
My hands, ah! How they tremble.
Is it discernable? Aye, I fear it so,
My girlish blush betrays me.

My knees turn to butter
My thighs do quake,
I fear they can’t hold my weight.

With sentence half finished.
Heart too full, my hunger unyielding
I turn away.

Though my body does exit
your exquisite presents
my heart and my mind remain.

With sighs un-uttered,
And desires un-gained
I let my lone heart

Erode away. 

Monday, March 3, 2014

If You Are


I don’t know where you are
If you are
The thought of you brings me up.

I don’t know who your are
Where you are
The thought of you tears me down.

How can someone I have never met
Bring me so much pain.
If you don’t exist I will cease to be

But if you continue to be out of my life
I shall not know how to be.

I don’t even know the color of your eyes
The sound of your voice
Or the sight of your face
But you are what keeps me breathing.

And I don’t know where you are
If you are
The thought of you brings me up.


Or tears me down.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Public Schools

Little soldiers one, by, one,
Sand, in, line,
No-one thinking,
No-one hearing,
One, by, one.

Little pencils
Stand erect, at the teacher’s desk,
No-one thinking
No-one caring,
One, by, one.

Hearts are crushed,
Dreams are dust,
No hu-man-ity,
No-one caring,
No-one seeing,

One, by, one. 

Monday, January 13, 2014

What to do..what did I do?

Another year has come and gone, and I'm not quite sure what I did to spend the time. I know I was busy all year, but I feel as if I have nothing to show for it. I guess that means I'm an unsatisfied creature by nature. But at the same time I feel as if there is some validity to my feeling, as if I've done noting of worth all year. If you were take a picture of my situation now, and compare it to that of the beginning of last year, I'm afraid there would not be that much of a difference.


  • I'm not working regularly.
  • The books I wrote aren't selling.
  • I'm still in junior college.
  • I live with my family.
  • I love my dog.
  • I love my family (yes, in that order).


This leaves me wondering whether or not I made any good choices last year. However, when I decided to look deeper, it's starts to look a little better.

Last year I:


  • Made the choice to pursue acting and modeling. I made connections and money in acting, and I met a lot of people that I now consider to be friends. I had no such luck with modeling.
  • Worked a seasonal job at a clothing store. I made some money and one friend doing that.
  • I finished my second year of studying French at my junior college and have since then made it my goal to travel to France this summer. 
  • I took and aced the last math class I will ever have to take in my life. 
  • I published another book. 
  • I doubled to tripled the work experience I had on both my acting and my regular resume in one year.
I suppose with these two lists in mind, I have to decided which one is the most important and that will help me focus my energy for the upcoming year, and maybe that first list will start to get a little shorter than last year.  

Monday, December 9, 2013

Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" Sequence Performed by Idina Menzel



If you haven't seen "Frozen" on the big screen : GO! This scene alone is worth the money to see. :)

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Working

So, when last I mentioned going on a bunch of job interviews and trying to not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Well, I got a temporary job at a department store and didn’t get the job I actually wanted. However, I did get into a new show. That’s what I’m actually excited about. And the show pays, so that’s great too. I love acting. So, even though I’m going to work on Monday. I’m happy, because later, I’m going to the first read through of the play and meet the other members of the cast. 

Monday, October 14, 2013

Act Out Mystery Theatre - "Character Assassin "



On Saturday the 12th of October 2013, I had my first show as the understudy for the show “Character Assassin”. I played the parts of Eva and Anita, the twin sisters in the case. It was a lot of fun and I regained a lot of my lost confidence in myself as an actress. Since I was cast to be in a local production of “Noises Off” and then told that I was being dropped from the show because my “acting abilities weren’t up to the standards” that play house was used to getting. That really upset me, and made me wonder whether or not I should really work on becoming an actress or not. I had been giving that show my all, and it wasn’t enough. After the show of “Character Assassin” on Saturday and all the actors went out to meet and greet the audience, we were all showered with praise, including me. I was overjoyed, to say the least. This show I regained my confidence and conviction. Acting is fun for me, and if I can find a way to make a living doing something that I love, then I’m going to do it. 

There are several more shows left to go, if you are near Long Beach and want to see the show for a discounted price follow this link: http://www.goldstar.com/events/long-beach-ca/character-assassin

Monday, October 7, 2013

Jobs

It seems it's the season to get job interviews. At least for me. Ever since I turned eighteen I've been looking none stop of a job, about twice a year I would get an interview. Well, for some reason the past few weeks I've gotten new interviews, one after another. So far this hasn't turned into a job, but I'm trying not to be negative. I'll admit, it's hard. After two very disappointing years of adulthood it seems real odd and kind of fake that I should be getting these calls all of a sudden. I'm trying not to get excited and at the same time, I'm hiding my cynicism while I'm actually in the interview. I suppose it's a good sign that I'm finally getting calls, but at the same time, my experience level hasn't changed all that much. I'm just writing all of this out to get all of these thoughts out of my head. I should be really grateful, right? After all my need for a job has only increased since I got my first car and I'm paying for the gas, insurance and pretty soon repairs all by myself. But I just can't stop myself from feeling as if the cosmos it just teasing me, that these aren't jobs that I don't have a shot in hell in getting because the unemployment rate is so dang high and my experience falls far from being impressive. But there again, I guess I'm being negative. I dunno, maybe I'll change my tune once I actually have a job.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Vegetarian Protein Alternatives

I wrote an email to an acquaintance of mine. She was wondering what are some high protein foods, since she’s trying to be a vegetarian, and I’ve been a vegetarian pretty much my entire life so I offered to write her a list of high protein foods. I thought it would be a bullet point kind of list, but when I sat down to actually write it down, I started compiling information that I knew just from experience. It turned out being really long. Upon reviewing it before I sent it, I realized it’s a really good list, so I thought I’d share it on my blog 

Cottage cheese, it has lots of calories, but it’s great for protein. I know a lot of people hate cottage cheese, so just in case you're one of them, I have a suggestion: Mix the cottage cheese with mandarin oranges, or canned (or fresh) mixed fruits. This creates a fruit salad. You can vary how much cottage cheese you put into the fruit depending on your taste. I like cottage cheese, so there's always more cottage cheese than fruit when I make it, but it doesn't have to be like that. Try it, you might like it! 

Eggs. Can't live without my eggs, okay that sounds wrong, but it's true. That's the main difference of course between vegans and vegetarians, vegetarians eat animal products, like milk but vegans don't. A good dinner dish with a lot of eggs is quiche, it also has a lot of cheese, (another thing I can't live without). Eggs can be a good snack when they are hard boiled; you can make deviled eggs too, which has a reputation of being hard to make, but isn't really. If you're going to a potluck and you need to bring an entree, deviled eggs is a good way to go, in case there aren't any other protein foods that you can eat there. There are of course egg salads, or for lunch I sometimes prepare eggs, like I would for breakfast, but then put it on two pieces of toasted bread with mayo or if I'm feeling fancy I'll add avocado and tomatoes and lettuce and it makes one great egg sandwich! A quick note; the yolk is the part of the egg that has most of the protein, so if you're making stuff that has egg whites, it's best not to think of it as getting your protein for the day. But you can cheat a little, most recipes that call for whites won't be harmed if you keep the yolks in there with 'em, but if you're make a white cake, just know it might not come out so white! 

Now I hear that quinoa (a grain) is a great source of protein, but honestly...I have no idea where you can buy it or what to use it for! 

Something a bit more seasonal, since we're approaching Halloween, pumpkin seeds are high in protein. When spooning out your pumpkin, keep the seeds and bake them until they are slightly brown, then you can eat them as a snack. Or if you don't carve pumpkins, you can by a bag of just the seeds at Sprouts or Mothers almost any time of the year.

Beans; any kind of bean will do. I hope you like Mexican food! There are a variety of canned chili in the health food stores and Target that don't have meat in them, just check the labels. But you can also make your own chili.

An obvious one that vegetarians are famous for: soy. If you can drink raw soy milk without any added flavoring, more power to you. It's high in protein, so it's good for you along with a lot of soy based products like health bars and such.

Peanut butter, love peanut butter! Any kind of nut is a vegetarian's best friend. If you want a quick snack a slice of bread toasted with a slather of peanut butter is the way to go. 

Wow, this turned out longer than I thought! I hope you found this helpful, and hopefully I managed to tell you things you didn't already know.



Monday, September 9, 2013

A Poem for a Welder


Oh bother
This solder
That drip, drips on my skin.

It burns through flesh
Down to the bone
Look at the state I’m in!

Oh bother

The solder.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Past Experiences

It's strange how your past experiences can change a situation. For instance, I went on two auditions within the same month and I was full of energy and I had a lot of fun with the cold readings that were given to me. I was creative, I was energetic, I was out there. One of them I thought I was over the top and afterwards felt kind of embarrassed with how goofy I had gotten with the role. People watching could either have been really uncomfortable and embarrassed, or could have found it funny. Where did all of this energy come from you ask. Well, upon further examination I thought that perhaps my last experience with auditioning, and getting cast and putting on a show had something to do with it. On that audition I had fun. I performed a monologue that I knew like the back of my hand, I added some sassy aspects to my character, which made her very funny to me and I just...had fun. I knew my audience, they were fellow students at my community college and a lot of the directors who would be casting me were students as well, and I knew a fair number of them, so I was comfortable with the choices I had made with the monologue and performing it for them. I landed a part in a play that had a few experimental ideas put into it by the director. She, the director, asked me to do things that pushed my comfort zone at times, but this challenged me to grow as an actor and I accepted it. As a result I learned a lot and I enjoyed it. I believe I went into the next few auditions with the aftereffect or afterglow of that audition and show. As a result I was more comfortable being a little bit more daring in my auditions, even though I didn't know anyone in the room. This is a good thing I think. The reason I say this, is because in the two auditions I mentioned, I got parts in both plays.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Samantha's Animal Stories

Last week I finished my third book. “Samantha’s Animal Stories” began one day when I was visiting Galveston Texas. This was years before the oil spill there. I was lazing about the condo I was staying in and I had a pad of paper and a pencil. There was no one around, so I did what any writer would do, I made up a story. This was soon to be the first story in a series that followed about people and their journeys with their beloved pets. This story was called “Jessie’s Dog” and it is still the first story to be told in the book itself. I’ve been sitting on this book for a while now and I kept editing and editing, until I realized I had edited myself into a hole and couldn’t get out. So I put the away for a semester of school and a summer break. My first day of school starts tomorrow, Tuesday, and during the past month I opened up my book and started editing, for the final time. I’m still not a 100% happy with it, but I’ve decided it’s time to let it go, for better or for worse.
For the first couple of months you can “borrow” the book for free if you have a Kindle. You can read a snippet of it for free on any internet device. And it’s going on sale for the awhile during its release. The link to the Kindle version is here: http://www.amazon.com/Samanthas-Animal-Tales-ebook/dp/B00EQUN6WO

Or if you’re a bit old-fashioned like me, and like to have the actual book in your hands, then go here: http://www.amazon.com/Samanthas-Animal-Tales-Samantha-Blackwell/dp/147834668X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0#

Monday, August 19, 2013

It's a Weepy Day

I can't think of anything to write. I'm too busy crying, so here's a sad song.