My Tombstone

You’re the only tombstone in my yard.

The only one who will miss me

Is the same one who will betray me first.

You’re the only statue in my garden

Watching all that grows

And lives without a will

You’re the only pond in my valley

Reflecting destruction and pain

My world crumbles around you.

Cold, hard, still:

This is the way you are

You are just like me.

You’re the only loose stone in my path

The cause of the fall

To remind me I’m alive.

Not Even Hate

Keep your life,

The way you want it to be

Keep your life

Happiness is the key

Do what you want to

Act like no one sees you.

Just keep yourself

Away from me.

Once upon a time

A long time ago,

You walked into my life

And over my heart

Like I had no feelings

The only thing I have no feelings for

Is you.

You broke my life

You ruined my heart

You twisted my dreams.

I wanted to see you

Burn in Hell

Now guess I’m over it.

Don’t get me wrong

I haven’t forgiven you,

There are just some things

A woman can’t get over

I just have realized

You’re not worth the time

To wish you ill

(That’s the devil’s job,

I’ll let him deal with you.)

‘Cause once upon a time,

A long time ago

You walked into my life

And stomped on my heart

I have no feelings left

For you

Not even hate.

You broke my dreams,

You twisted my life

You ruined my heat

Now I guess I’m over it.

I had my cry

You had your say

Now just go away.

Rebecca

Standing by the edge of hope

Of the precipice divine

We two walk a tight rope

For love so hard to define.

 

My Becky grasps my hand

Through the ridicules that measures in hours

Never alone shall I stand

No one can break this love of ours.

 

They say we are unnatural

They declare us unclean

God’s word is factual

What we are is obscene.

 

Within my heart there lies

The ever growing truth

If this feeling for Becky I must despise

Than pardon me, for being uncouth,

 

But I’d rather be crucified

Then walk away from her

For there would be no way to justify

Walking away from her.

 

We’re not the true issue of your debate

I don’t think we’re that different

We feel pain, fear, and hate

All the joys of Earth we too appreciate,

 

So what is your hate in us

What is it that you fear?

If you’re reasons are true and just

You may speak plainly here.

 

You have no new answer?

No reason behind your claim

Well then my dear pastor

Who is it I should put the blame

 

Of all the stones thrown

And taunts yelled

For the feelings that are my own?

Who has taught all others that we shall be repelled?

 

Return the subject back to God

The unseen Father we must adore,

I do not believe it is the will of God

To give me this love, so I maybe hurt more.

Now my life is filled with sorrow

No epitaph shall cover the feelings abound

That I feel at never seeing Becky on the morrow

For she, a love so sweet, never another be found.

 

My heartaches for my Becky

To see her smile once more

None felt the pain, more than my Becky

Every shout and cry left her feeling sore.

 

Until the grief was too great

And she lost her sweet smile

The ill words left her in such a state

Yet she hid it from me all the while.

 

No one will tell me how she died

They say it’s not my business

For many an hour I have cried

For wondering how Becky called for Death’s kiss.

 

No one informed me of the funeral

I discovered it alone

So now I stand before you all

Here I stand alone

 

No one will take my hand

No one will dry my tears

Here alone I stand

As I will for coming years.

Breakdowns

Sometimes when things in your life are compounding themselves on top of you, you need to make sure that they don’t start to pile up inside you too. Eventually your suppressed feelings will break out of you and spill all over the place – which is my colorful way of saying: “you’re having a breakdown babe”.

  Crying, screaming, and yelling are often the symptoms of a breakdown, but they can also help prevent you from having a breakdown. I know, it sounds counterintuitive, but I find it to be true. But these mini breakdowns or what not are actually healthier than letting them build up to the real deal.

  Also when you breakdown, you are not in control of what your breakdown will be about, and it can be over something stupid, and may have only the slightest connection (or no connection) to what your breakdown is really about. It’s better to have the little breakdowns that you can control when and where they will happen, than just snapping at that last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Daycare

Mike’s ears were ringing as he left the daycare where he worked. As a teen aged boy, he had gone to his share of rock concerts, and he’d thought the loud music was really bad, but it was nothing compared to the screams of the five to twelve year-olds at the center. The noise those little monkeys (as Mike called them when none of his co-workers were around) made was excruciating after half an hour, but staying for five hours like he had to was a new kind of hell.

  Then there was the fights, blood, pee, broken toys added to the mayhem. There was not one decent kid in the bunch. The new ones that started out okay always turned into one of the monkeys given enough time. It was as if the kids knew they were being abandoned by their parents and they were releasing all of their frustration on everything and everyone around them. Aaahh, the parents; they’re another case in and of themselves: rude, self-absorbed, inconsiderate monkeys in suits.


Monkeys, each and everyone, making more monkeys, then they all wonder why no one acts like a decent human being.

I did it Again

I’ve spoken about my clumsiness before, and I’m back at it again. Saturday I was in a hurry and I kicked the door jam in the bathroom, at first all my toes hurt I walked some of the pain off. But one toe wouldn’t stop hurting and I could walk on it without a lot of pain. I didn’t break it; I just jammed it really badly. Last night my foot turned a really pretty purple color. Now I can kind of walk on it without too much trouble, though I’m still limping.
I know this is really short, but I can't think of anything else right now.

Clumsy

I’m really clumsy. There I said it. Always have been, always will be, I think it’s safe to say everybody has clumsy “spells” but some of us are born clumsy, and we just have graceful “spells”. I wish I would have one soon, before I lose an appendage. It’s been crazy lately.

On top of the ordinary bumps and bruises that I inflicted upon myself on a regular basis, I have one freaky accident, or one bump or scrape that’s more serious than the rest, or something that could have been avoided, had I just paid more attention every two or three months. This week I’ve had each of these things:

1. The Avoidable Accident
Friday, I’m baking cookies and the timer goes off. I can’t locate an oven mitten within the first three seconds of looking, instead of looking a little longer, or asking where one was: I grab a towel, thinking: “I hope this towel’s thick enough…Nope, guess not….ouch! Cookies were saved and I had a huge blister on my right hand index finger, and a little one on my thumb.

2. The Serious Scrape
Last night I got up from my futon to go to the bathroom, and I felt my bed tilt with me. So, I lean back so that I don’t flip it over and I think it flips all the way back. When I come back from the bathroom and climb into bed I feel the futon is at a slant, but I’m sleepy, so I’m not sure. I lean over to feel if the futon leg is on the ground or in the air: sure enough, as soon as I find the leg bottom the futon shifts and lands on the floor, with my right middle and ring finger squished in between. Luckily nothing was broken, however, I did bruise my ring finger a little, and I scraped layers of skin off of my middle finger.( I had no idea the futon leg was that sharp.) So now I’m out of practicing piano for a few days, and I’m typing with only nine fingers.

3. Freaky
This morning I was playing with a pen; and the clasp for pinning it on a shirt broke off and a piece went flying straight into my eye. My eye wasn’t scratched, even though I hadn’t had time to blink to keep the foreign object from hitting my eyeball, but it sure did make it water. I walked around like a one eyed pirate for about a minute.

All in all, I hope that this was the last of my accidents, because frankly, I don’t want to know what might happen next.