Renaissance

After having had about a year to reflect on everything, I've decided to start blogging again.

In order for you to understand what it is that has change my mind, I guess I should first tell you all why I decided to quit writing in the first place.

My decision last June was based on the huge amount of time I had spent trying to publish my work. When that didn't work, I turned my energy into self-publishing and promoting it to sell my writing... That did work the way I had hoped either. I had only sold three books for all my efforts, and I got a lot of promises from people who I knew (personally and via the internet) who said they would buy it and/or recommend it...After selling a grand total five books between the two I had published I decided that it wasn't worth my time and energy to do it anymore. When I say "it" I mean promoting and writing. The time I could have been spent finding a "real job" or building my Avon business was being wasted, I felt, on fruitlessly promoting my craft.

Now a year later...I still don't have a regular job, and my Avon business is still sucking wind! So it makes no difference whether or not I write or promote or search for a "real" first job. I'm twenty years old and I feel worthless most of the time, being unable to contribute to my family's income and at times, I still feel like a constant drain, rather than a help. Anyone who's experienced this, or is experiencing it, knows it's not a good feeling to have eating away at you.

What have I learned in the past year you ask? It feels similar to the lesson I thought I had learned in June of last year. Then I thought the universe didn't want me to be a writer, otherwise, it won't have made it so hard, right? Well, now another year is gone and I don't have a regular job, a year without writing or creating art was not a fun one, I can tell you that. The decision I've come to is this, either I'm going to fine a way to be a success at what I love to do and what makes me happy, or the universe just needs to give me that "stable, regular job" on a silver platter, because as of this moment, I'm done running after it, the regular work world needs to start chasing me now. Until then, it can kiss my artistic-overly dramatic-ginger ass.