Flirtacious Rant

Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" Sequence Performed by Idina Menzel

If you haven't seen "Frozen" on the big screen : GO! This scene alone is worth the money to see. :)

Working

So, when last I mentioned going on a bunch of job interviews and trying to not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Well, I got a temporary job at a department store and didn’t get the job I actually wanted. However, I did get into a new show. That’s what I’m actually excited about. And the show pays, so that’s great too. I love acting. So, even though I’m going to work on Monday. I’m happy, because later, I’m going to the first read through of the play and meet the other members of the cast. 

Act Out Mystery Theatre - "Character Assassin "

On Saturday the 12^th of October 2013, I had my first show as the understudy for the show “Character Assassin”. I played the parts of Eva and Anita, the twin sisters in the case. It was a lot of fun and I regained a lot of my lost confidence in myself as an actress. Since I was cast to be in a local production of “Noises Off” and then told that I was being dropped from the show because my “acting abilities weren’t up to the standards” that play house was used to getting. That really upset me, and made me wonder whether or not I should really work on becoming an actress or not. I had been giving that show my all, and it wasn’t enough. After the show of “Character Assassin” on Saturday and all the actors went out to meet and greet the audience, we were all showered with praise, including me. I was overjoyed, to say the least. This show I regained my confidence and conviction. Acting is fun for me, and if I can find a way to make a living doing something that I love, then I’m going to do it. 

There are several more shows left to go, if you are near Long Beach and want to see the show for a discounted price follow this link: http://www.goldstar.com/events/long-beach-ca/character-assassin

Jobs

It seems it's the season to get job interviews. At least for me. Ever since I turned eighteen I've been looking none stop of a job, about twice a year I would get an interview. Well, for some reason the past few weeks I've gotten new interviews, one after another. So far this hasn't turned into a job, but I'm trying not to be negative. I'll admit, it's hard. After two very disappointing years of adulthood it seems real odd and kind of fake that I should be getting these calls all of a sudden. I'm trying not to get excited and at the same time, I'm hiding my cynicism while I'm actually in the interview. I suppose it's a good sign that I'm finally getting calls, but at the same time, my experience level hasn't changed all that much. I'm just writing all of this out to get all of these thoughts out of my head. I should be really grateful, right? After all my need for a job has only increased since I got my first car and I'm paying for the gas, insurance and pretty soon repairs all by myself. But I just can't stop myself from feeling as if the cosmos it just teasing me, that these aren't jobs that I don't have a shot in hell in getting because the unemployment rate is so dang high and my experience falls far from being impressive. But there again, I guess I'm being negative. I dunno, maybe I'll change my tune once I actually have a job.

The Beatles - I'm A Loser

Vegetarian Protein Alternatives

I wrote an email to an acquaintance of mine. She was wondering what are some high protein foods, since she’s trying to be a vegetarian, and I’ve been a vegetarian pretty much my entire life so I offered to write her a list of high protein foods. I thought it would be a bullet point kind of list, but when I sat down to actually write it down, I started compiling information that I knew just from experience. It turned out being really long. Upon reviewing it before I sent it, I realized it’s a really good list, so I thought I’d share it on my blog 

Cottage cheese, it has lots of calories, but it’s great for protein. I know a lot of people hate cottage cheese, so just in case you're one of them, I have a suggestion: Mix the cottage cheese with mandarin oranges, or canned (or fresh) mixed fruits. This creates a fruit salad. You can vary how much cottage cheese you put into the fruit depending on your taste. I like cottage cheese, so there's always more cottage cheese than fruit when I make it, but it doesn't have to be like that. Try it, you might like it! 

Eggs. Can't live without my eggs, okay that sounds wrong, but it's true. That's the main difference of course between vegans and vegetarians, vegetarians eat animal products, like milk but vegans don't. A good dinner dish with a lot of eggs is quiche, it also has a lot of cheese, (another thing I can't live without). Eggs can be a good snack when they are hard boiled; you can make deviled eggs too, which has a reputation of being hard to make, but isn't really. If you're going to a potluck and you need to bring an entree, deviled eggs is a good way to go, in case there aren't any other protein foods that you can eat there. There are of course egg salads, or for lunch I sometimes prepare eggs, like I would for breakfast, but then put it on two pieces of toasted bread with mayo or if I'm feeling fancy I'll add avocado and tomatoes and lettuce and it makes one great egg sandwich! A quick note; the yolk is the part of the egg that has most of the protein, so if you're making stuff that has egg whites, it's best not to think of it as getting your protein for the day. But you can cheat a little, most recipes that call for whites won't be harmed if you keep the yolks in there with 'em, but if you're make a white cake, just know it might not come out so white! 

Now I hear that quinoa (a grain) is a great source of protein, but honestly...I have no idea where you can buy it or what to use it for! 

Something a bit more seasonal, since we're approaching Halloween, pumpkin seeds are high in protein. When spooning out your pumpkin, keep the seeds and bake them until they are slightly brown, then you can eat them as a snack. Or if you don't carve pumpkins, you can by a bag of just the seeds at Sprouts or Mothers almost any time of the year.

Beans; any kind of bean will do. I hope you like Mexican food! There are a variety of canned chili in the health food stores and Target that don't have meat in them, just check the labels. But you can also make your own chili.

An obvious one that vegetarians are famous for: soy. If you can drink raw soy milk without any added flavoring, more power to you. It's high in protein, so it's good for you along with a lot of soy based products like health bars and such.

Peanut butter, love peanut butter! Any kind of nut is a vegetarian's best friend. If you want a quick snack a slice of bread toasted with a slather of peanut butter is the way to go. 

Wow, this turned out longer than I thought! I hope you found this helpful, and hopefully I managed to tell you things you didn't already know.

A Poem for a Welder

Oh bother

This solder

That drip, drips on my skin.

It burns through flesh

Down to the bone

Look at the state I’m in!

Oh bother

The solder.

Past Experiences

It's strange how your past experiences can change a situation. For instance, I went on two auditions within the same month and I was full of energy and I had a lot of fun with the cold readings that were given to me. I was creative, I was energetic, I was out there. One of them I thought I was over the top and afterwards felt kind of embarrassed with how goofy I had gotten with the role. People watching could either have been really uncomfortable and embarrassed, or could have found it funny. Where did all of this energy come from you ask. Well, upon further examination I thought that perhaps my last experience with auditioning, and getting cast and putting on a show had something to do with it. On that audition I had fun. I performed a monologue that I knew like the back of my hand, I added some sassy aspects to my character, which made her very funny to me and I just...had fun. I knew my audience, they were fellow students at my community college and a lot of the directors who would be casting me were students as well, and I knew a fair number of them, so I was comfortable with the choices I had made with the monologue and performing it for them. I landed a part in a play that had a few experimental ideas put into it by the director. She, the director, asked me to do things that pushed my comfort zone at times, but this challenged me to grow as an actor and I accepted it. As a result I learned a lot and I enjoyed it. I believe I went into the next few auditions with the aftereffect or afterglow of that audition and show. As a result I was more comfortable being a little bit more daring in my auditions, even though I didn't know anyone in the room. This is a good thing I think. The reason I say this, is because in the two auditions I mentioned, I got parts in both plays.

Samantha's Animal Stories

Last week I finished my third book. “Samantha’s Animal Stories” began one day when I was visiting Galveston Texas. This was years before the oil spill there. I was lazing about the condo I was staying in and I had a pad of paper and a pencil. There was no one around, so I did what any writer would do, I made up a story. This was soon to be the first story in a series that followed about people and their journeys with their beloved pets. This story was called “Jessie’s Dog” and it is still the first story to be told in the book itself. I’ve been sitting on this book for a while now and I kept editing and editing, until I realized I had edited myself into a hole and couldn’t get out. So I put the away for a semester of school and a summer break. My first day of school starts tomorrow, Tuesday, and during the past month I opened up my book and started editing, for the final time. I’m still not a 100% happy with it, but I’ve decided it’s time to let it go, for better or for worse.

For the first couple of months you can “borrow” the book for free if you have a Kindle. You can read a snippet of it for free on any internet device. And it’s going on sale for the awhile during its release. The link to the Kindle version is here: http://www.amazon.com/Samanthas-Animal-Tales-ebook/dp/B00EQUN6WO

Or if you’re a bit old-fashioned like me, and like to have the actual book in your hands, then go here: http://www.amazon.com/Samanthas-Animal-Tales-Samantha-Blackwell/dp/147834668X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0#

It's a Weepy Day

I can't think of anything to write. I'm too busy crying, so here's a sad song.

Gut Feelings

Sometimes as we go through life we get feelings that we can’t really explain. There doesn’t seem to be any reason or forewarning that can account for our feelings or suspicions. Some people call it instincts, “you’re gut” or even paranoia. However, I always find that these feels, at least speaking for myself, are rarely completely wrong. Someone actually told me once that, as someone who is young, I have the opportunity to go wild and just do things…for no reason: be reckless. They didn’t say it in so many words, however their meaning was the same. Most people I’m sure get messages like these earlier in life, such as elementary school, middle school, or high school. Also depending on where you go after that, whether it be college or straight into your career, you can still definitely get bad advice from your peers. This however, though I am, and was at the time, twenty years old, it was the very first time that anyone had given me such “advice”. To tell you the truth, I was taken aback by it. To have someone tell you to be reckless is very much telling you to go against you instincts, which are there primarily to keep you safe. Even if you don’t consciously know the reasons for them, you inner self is detecting some form of threat. The very core and in fact the entire construction of recklessness is built when you put those feelings aside, stuff them down and ignore them. Throughout my early school years I was homeschooled, so the main influence in my life was my own immediate family. Who always, I believe, mean the best and want the best for me. They also never encouraged me to be around or associate myself with people who would lead me to ruin, emotionally, physically, morally, or educationally. Contained within her teachings, my mom encouraged me to listen to my gut feelings. Giving me examples of times she did and didn’t listen to them and the outcomes. My mom was nothing if not honest: she told me about the good outcomes with each circumstance as well as the bad. The result of these stories forged my opinion that in the end, it’s best to listen to these feelings than to ignore them and face the possible consequences. I vocalized this, my mom smiled and said after her life experiences, she had come to the same conclusion. I was pleased that I had come up with the “right answer”. When I was younger I worked off the theory that everything had a right or a wrong answer, since then I’ve grown less ridged and think in some instances there’s plenty of room for multiple answers to the same question and not be “wrong”. Not very scientific, but then again, neither is an article on “gut feelings”. Getting back to my acquaintance with the poor suggestion of my “taking chances” because I’m “young”. This was advice I had heard teenagers on TV shows and read in books give each other, so to hear it be said from a 26 year old man to me was very offsetting. To say I was taken aback, would be an apt description. Now I think it was at this point that I’d gotten “the creeps” concerning this individual. Upon the immediate examination of this feeling I could find no real grounds for it. After all, while the statement was a sign of the man’s juvenile disposition, it didn’t seem to come from a bad place. He didn’t seem to wish me harm. In the future, I just wouldn’t seek out this guy’s wisdom. It wasn’t until much later in my continued communication with this man that I found that my feelings were totally dead on. He had no interest in getting to know me or anything like that. His motives I must regrettably write were purely and solely sexual. Thankfully after our initial meeting I never saw him again and his motives were revealed to me via a facebook message. Not in so many words or as direct as I’ve described, but it was pretty damn clear what he was after. I was in contact with this guy for about a month, most of our communication was through text messages. We spoke almost every day, several times a day. Despite this constant chatter, I learned almost nothing about him, nor he of me. This entire time I fought off the “creeps”, it wasn’t constantly present. It would just occasionally crop up while sending or receiving texts back and forth. He would make me smile at times and I looked forward to texting him. Before the end of that one month, I got tired of talking and not learning. It was very weird to be in almost constant communication with someone and know that if someone were to ask me anything about him, I knew I wouldn’t be able to answer questions to their satisfaction. One mistake I will admit, though I do so self-consciously, I did give more information than I received. Not much, or on anything important, I wasn’t stupid. However, there was an unbalance in the information being given and received. This perhaps more than anything else is what made me take the time to let him know that I was not getting to know him at all, and that our conversations were getting tedious and very repetitious. Again, I didn’t say it in so many words, there’s only so many words you want to take the trouble to write via text messaging. He got the point. Within the next half a dozen messages he revealed his motive in knowing me. It was very much a clunky message, not well thought out. Crediting him with having some common sense (both for his sake as well as for my own peace of mind that I wouldn’t befriend a complete idiot). If he had put any thought into it before sending it, he wouldn’t have at all. Not to say I’m not grateful on some level that he sent it, otherwise who knows how many more hours we would have wasted, neither of us getting what we wanted, me a friend and he…yeah, anyway: he was never interested in being my friend. Otherwise he would have put up more of a struggle when our communication died. I’m kind of pleased to say that I was the last one to make contact. That he was the one who decided to drop it and not answer. Just think, I could have saved phone battery power and several minutes every day that whole month if I had just listened to that initial nudge. The first “creepy feeling”. Not a huge loss maybe, not as huge as my character Jackie in my vampire novel “Survival” which is still undergoing edits. Her consequences of trusting someone she got the “creeps” from, made her lose her mortality, humanity, morality and ultimately her entire life. If I gained anything from my texting experience, I was reminded to trust my instincts, even if in the moment they make no sense. 

The Mask of Society

       Put it on                                                              Hold it in

     Keep it on                                                            Stay in line               

Never show yourself.                                           Keep it to yourself. 

                                              Lock it in

                                          Keep it hidden

                                         Never take it off.

                                             Wear right

                                           Keep straight.

                                    So that none will ever see

                             What you're showing in your smile

                           Is the remnants of a long dead dream.

Good Week

Despite the fact that I didn't think I would have a good week considering last week. It turns out I was wrong. What I mean by that is as of this Summer much of what I will be doing next week is dictated by what is accomplished the week before. Casting calls answered, auditions taken dates made with friends all happen (hopefully) at least a week in advance. Making last week pretty much blah. Nothing was set up or planned really. So, with some help from my fairy godmother, who also happens to me my biological mother. She pointed me in the right direction by sending me links to a really good website, if you're new to theater and want to become involved and you live in Orange County California then I recommend you check it out.
 Instead of finding out through word of mouth and not so great Google searches to find all of your local theaters and their websites, just click the link and you will find a list of all the theaters and their upcoming auditions and shows. The theaters are posted in order of the soonest upcoming audition. This I find very helpful. It's much better than saving all the links to all the theaters somewhere and then checking them all periodically. You can just click the link and get there.
http://www.nicholasthurkettle.com/ocstageauditions/

This website let me know about the theater "Stage Door" which I had never been too, and the audition for the show "Noises Off", which is such a great play. I went to the audition on Sunday.  

Monday I posted a video that a good friend of mine put together into a video contest. Unfortunately, we didn't get past the first round of judging, none the less it was a great experience and it was now behind me and I was no longer worrying about it, so I could truly appreciate it. I will be posting the video on my YouTube channel soon.

Tuesday I met up with a friend from school and shared a Starbucks, which was nice. Then I hurried over to Long Beach. to go to another audition, this time for a new play called "Character Assassin". I found this audition through my fairy godmother as well. She found the post, I don't know how, via facebook and forwarded the post to me.

Wednesday I spent the day with my brother in Downtown Disney. Let us all take this moment to appreciate Haagen Dasz...

...

Okay so Thursday I went out for lunch with a writer friend I haven't seen since April. I went shopping and I went out hunting for a skirt that can fit in a 1930's looking outfit for an audition I'm going to in early August. I was unsuccessful. I also went to my school to try and get more information on some job postings that I saw on-line on the work force center for students. I got there at 4:03 p.m. and they close at 4:00. Crap!   I got home feeling a bit unhappy with myself when I got a call from Stage Door, saying that I had gotten the part I had auditioned for, the character of Poppy. I was so overjoyed!

Today, first thing I got an email from the writer and director of "Character Assassin" asking if I would be interested in being the understudy for one of the smaller parts, which was totally fine with me. That means I can get out of going to most of the rehearsals, and Long Beach is not exactly down the street from me. I also got a script for a short film that a fellow actor of mine is creating. It is so funny, I'm even more excited to become a part of it. ALSO I went to the fabric store, bought the perfect fabric for my skirt, and made the damn thing! Then when the mail came in I got a scholarship check that will well cover my college books for the year.

It's been a good week. :)

Summer Actors

Okay, I have a bone to pick with some people. In particular, young women who choose to be actress only during the summer. Just because it messes with my ratios so badly. Generally speaking I can get one job a month on extrasaccess.com alone, after submitting for about twenty jobs. Now it's summer and there are so many more postings on actorsaccess and extrasaccess, more postings means more work right? Wrong! In the acting and extras world there is a high percentage of turn over for actors. People try it out for a couple of jobs a year and then stop. That's the nature of the business. I've found since summer started with a new generation of young women who have just turned eighteen and in between high school and college there is a huge influx of actresses who want to "try the acting thing" before school starts up again.
I realize this is not true for everyone who tries acting during the summer, they may be truly trying to make it their job to be an actor, blah, blah, blah. Far be it for me to stop someone for trying out something new. After all I first started looking at acting seriously for money earlier this February. But it still bothers me just the number of people that must be submitting themselves for my ratios to take this big of a dump this summer.

Imagination

I mentioned the other day an idea and belief of mine to my family and I feel it bares repeating.
Imagination is necessary for a full life and healthy mind. I cannot imagine living a life without my imaginary life with figures from history in a romanticized version that I create and control of course. I have created people from scratch or are inspired by other's fictional characters. These people make me laugh, cry, make me roll my eyes and smile. Imagination makes life so much more fun.

The Lone Ranger - The Movie Review

I saw 'The Lone Ranger' yesterday at the Cinema City in Anaheim Hills and after the theater over came some technical difficulties with the projector, they started. 

Not meaning to give away any plot points, let me just say, if you like traditional westerns where there are more bullets fired than are accurate for the time period this has it. If you want some of the ridiculous and impossible physics from the Pirates of the Caribbean, this is contains just that. If you enjoy watching Johnny Depp play a crazy character that will make you laugh, you will not be disappointed. If you said yes to one or more of these questions than this movie is a must see. If you walk into the theater prepared for lots of blood and death and have the willingness to suspend disbelief for both the plot holes and absurd action sequences, than you will enjoy this movie immensely.

Again, not to give too much away, but the moment they played the overture from William Tell, I knew I was destined to own this Johnny Depp-ified Western.

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6gzgcGrE2M

Short Story on Editing

Gretchen gazed unseeingly at the book proof in front of her. She knew she had promised her friend on several occasions to edit his book once it was nearing completion. She had always counted on, to be completely honest, that the day would never come that she would not have to uphold her promises. But it had, and now she was dreading it. She liked her friend, but Gretchen never thought of him as a very good writer... How could Gretchen read something her friend wrote, and not take over the story in the editing process? That was the issue Gretchen was struggling with before Gretchen picked up her black pen and highlighter to edit the book, she decided to give it a quick read through first. The stories concept was sound, but the characters lacked depth and the story often wandered away from the main point of the story. The ending was...substandard to say the least.
Gretchen knew where she would like the story to go. How and where the characters could grow and develop, but that went beyond editing in Gretchen's mind. That was actually rewriting the story.
Slowly, like drawing out a splinter, she picked up the proof and her pen and highlighter.
What should she do?
Then it came to her, it was a simple answer really.
"I will start with the misspelled words and grammatical errors." For her friends writing really  wasn't very good.

Slice of Life; Death Second Edition

Hey everyone! My second edition of "A Slice of Life; Death" is now available on Amazon in both paper back form and kindle. The new cover design is right here. The price of which is $5.00 for both the kindle and the paperback version. If you want to catch a quick deal though, my first edition paperback version of this book is currently on sale on Amazon for $4.75

http://www.amazon.com/Slice-Life-Death-Samantha-Blackwell/dp/1478168641

Thank you so much for your support! 

Twisted

We were standing on the edge of the world when I knew I could do it. It was about time really. I'd felt this way about Norman for a long while now. I was with new found confidence that I walked up to him. I didn't so much as blink as I gazed into his blue eyes. I reached for him and placing my hands on his chest, I pushed him off the bridge.

Maker of Faces Puppeteer

Born on the 10^th day of June, it was the perfect summer day, the kind of day that lemonade stands make their biggest profits, and balloon fights are a must-have in the smaller neighborhoods and grandparent’s houses are bursting at the seams with their children and grandchildren, all catching up for lost time. This was the day that the Maker of Faces Puppeteer was born, and it was perhaps the last perfect day of her life.

                Her parents named her Phoebe after some dead relative that nobody really liked or remembered. Her parent’s names and occupations are unimportant, all that you need to know is that her father was a drunk and her mother was chronically depressed, these two things greatly affected Phoebe’s childhood, as it would anybody else’s. Details into Phoebe’s childhood, while interestingly horrific are very typical and can be found in practically any dysfunctional family. The belt beatings, the being locked and forgotten in closets, the drunken arguments, were all standard features in Phoebe’s life.

                One day which turned out to be very significant was when Phoebe’s sixth grade class went on a school fieldtrip. They went to a theatre in which the students were entertained by two puppet shows. One had many, many different types of puppets were used, some from Asian culture, others were of Germany and of French making, and one had been fashioned together by the puppeteers themselves for that very show.  Many of her classmates frond this show “boring” and lacking “spunk”, they would have liked it better if the story had been done by real people and not puppets, because the puppets made the fight scene “lame”. Phoebe however, was deeply fascinated by the show. The second puppet show was of Rip Van Winkle, and in this, gigantic puppets were used. These puppets were so large the performers actually had to wear the puppets on them, kind of like the characters in Disneyland, but these puppets were huge, most of them stood over seven feet tall. This was so incredible that even Phoebe’s classmates were left in an awestruck silence throughout the show. Phoebe was impressed, but while there was much to be said about the actors stamina and skill, much of what the puppets didn’t seem to be as controlled as those from the first show with the smaller puppets.

Phoebe had decided before she left the theatre that she had picked her life career: she was going to become a puppeteer. While Phoebe didn’t know it then and maybe still wouldn’t be able to express it clearly now, but what appealed to her most that day was the control the puppeteers had over their puppets. In her tumultuous life, Phoebe didn’t seem to have much control of anything. Being a puppeteer was a way for her to be completely and totally in control of something, albeit an inanimate object, but if she did it well enough, she could give that object a life of its own, and with her in charge, she would be sure it was a good one. The most beautiful part was, if Phoebe messed up, no one got hurt, but she wouldn’t mess up, she wouldn’t allow herself to…

She made her first puppet in the sixth grade art class, while it was only pieces of paper and string, Phoebe was quite pleased with how the ballerina would almost always move her legs went the string was pulled and her right arm only hung limply without any response some of the time. It was much better than most of her classmates. Most of them had used too much tape and their puppet’s limbs couldn’t move at all, and they remained stationary in, some rather charming, most rather awkward positions.

                Phoebe bought her first professionally made German puppet when she was seventeen from the money she saved from dog sitting. The only high school courses she had interest in were woodshop, dance and theatre, anything else just seemed like a waste of time to her: barriers, keeping her away from what she actually wanted to do, make puppets and puppeteer (the dance class helped her understand the movement of human bodies better, so that she could then teach it to her puppets).

                She got her current job with the Fantasia Company quite by accident when she was twenty-one; she literally stumbled upon it, or rather tripped over it. Someone had left one of the life sizes puppets partially out of a theatre backstage door which faced an alleyway. Phoebe had been trying to train one of her neighbors more unruly dogs a new trick down the street from the alley when he broke loose and ran off.  When she pursued the dog she turned a sharp corner down the alley and tripped over the puppet’s leg, landing Phoebe face first in the gravel. She had turned to yell at who had tripped her, and to her surprise and bewildered delight, it was a puppet. So life like was this puppet; she had to take a closer look. The runaway dog was for a time, completely forgotten. Whilst examining it, the puppet’s owner came out into the alley for a smoke. The two struck up a conversation and before the dog returned to Phoebe, (it’s no fun running away from someone if they aren’t running after you) she had a job at the company and was cast for an upcoming show.

                Phoebe never quiet understood why The Maker of Faces Puppet didn’t already have a puppeteer. She didn’t know that the other puppeteers were intimidated by the large skirt that the puppet sported and the entire Fantasia cast had breathed a sigh of relief when the boss and managed to sucker someone else into being its puppet master. Phoebe loved the puppet’s skirt and while she had never worked with any puppet of this size, she was excited for the challenge and grateful that she had taken all those dancing classes in high school. Not only did it help her work out the puppet’s movements to make it a graceful, and life-like as the puppet appeared to be, but it helped her meet the physical demands to work with this puppet. While it wasn’t as huge as the Rip Van Winkle puppets from her sixth grade fieldtrip, a rehearsal was still one hell of a work out.

                Phoebe didn’t really care what the other puppeteers did and didn’t do during rehearsal; all she did was concentrate on was her puppet. After a while, like with most of Phoebe’s puppets, The Maker of Faces seemed to come to life and have a personality of its own. This was true for the other puppets in the show as well. While the other puppets rebelled against their masters and didn’t seem to wish to please anybody but themselves, The Maker of Faces seemed to want to please Phoebe. At the slightest movement of her right hand, the Maker of Faces would complete a perfect gesture. It appeared at times that The Maker of Faces would do things without the command at all, this ruffled Phoebe’s feathers a little. After all, she was the master, she should be the one in charge of that happened when, but The Maker of Faces never did any real harm, so Phoebe chose ignored it.

                All she hoped was The Maker of Faces would stay focused and didn’t get too excited or distracted during the show…

Renaissance

After having had about a year to reflect on everything, I've decided to start blogging again.

In order for you to understand what it is that has change my mind, I guess I should first tell you all why I decided to quit writing in the first place.

My decision last June was based on the huge amount of time I had spent trying to publish my work. When that didn't work, I turned my energy into self-publishing and promoting it to sell my writing... That did work the way I had hoped either. I had only sold three books for all my efforts, and I got a lot of promises from people who I knew (personally and via the internet) who said they would buy it and/or recommend it...After selling a grand total five books between the two I had published I decided that it wasn't worth my time and energy to do it anymore. When I say "it" I mean promoting and writing. The time I could have been spent finding a "real job" or building my Avon business was being wasted, I felt, on fruitlessly promoting my craft.

Now a year later...I still don't have a regular job, and my Avon business is still sucking wind! So it makes no difference whether or not I write or promote or search for a "real" first job. I'm twenty years old and I feel worthless most of the time, being unable to contribute to my family's income and at times, I still feel like a constant drain, rather than a help. Anyone who's experienced this, or is experiencing it, knows it's not a good feeling to have eating away at you.

What have I learned in the past year you ask? It feels similar to the lesson I thought I had learned in June of last year. Then I thought the universe didn't want me to be a writer, otherwise, it won't have made it so hard, right? Well, now another year is gone and I don't have a regular job, a year without writing or creating art was not a fun one, I can tell you that. The decision I've come to is this, either I'm going to fine a way to be a success at what I love to do and what makes me happy, or the universe just needs to give me that "stable, regular job" on a silver platter, because as of this moment, I'm done running after it, the regular work world needs to start chasing me now. Until then, it can kiss my artistic-overly dramatic-ginger ass.