Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Lock it up,
Keep it close
Bar the door
But keep the window open.
Let it live
It needs air
It is easily broken
But protect it from harm
It’s a gentle thing
Yet it can be cold
It’s a giving thing
But it can be the cruelest of all.
It keeps a goal
It takes it’s time
It keeps a beat
But it’s quick to fall.
It moves life
Through our veins
It’s a part of us
But it has a mind of its own.
A hopeless romantic,
A bubbly little thing
But it gives itself away without thinking twice.
It is the heart
But it’s really all the same.
Our hearts bind us
And bleeds and beats
And cries and laughs
But they can also be so indifferent.
It will drive you mad
To try and figure it out
It gives life a purpose
But you can’t predict its actions.
It’s more than just an organ
A pump of the body
It can make you insane
But its joys are incomparable.
So keep your heart close
Protect is from itself
But once it decides to fall
You’re going down with it.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Mary crawled up the trunk of the maple tree, she was feeling very flustered today. Actually she felt flustered a lot of the time, but it wasn’t her fault, no, no. Her mother had told her there would come a time when she would feel ugly. At the time she couldn’t image being and feeling ugly at the same time, but the time had come. She felt slow and heavy; all she wanted to do was sleep and eat. It meant only one thing: the change was coming.
Soon her entire existence would be altered. Her lifestyle, the way her body looked and functioned would change, she would be able to fly. A daunting a thought as that might be she had thought there would be someone to support her. Someone to talk her through this tough time; that someone was Carl.
He had been charming and sweet…for the first five minutes.
Now he ate and slept just as much, nay, more than even she did!
She tried to speak to him about it, but he would always shush her. Last time, he said it was very crass of her to even speak of such things. Crass! Crass! They were married! Before she could come up with a descent argument, he had gone back to eating. Indignant; she left to go down to sulk and nibble on the remains of the leaves she and Carl had missed.
As Mary reached the leafy branch that she and Carl had been eating at for the past few days, she took a sip of some dew. Panting from exhaustion she forced her soar feet to crawl to the branch where she had last seen her husband.
“Carl!” she called, “are you still here?”
There was no reply.
Odd, she thought to herself. There were plenty of unfinished leaves and dew on these branches. She couldn’t think of why he would have moved on.
Maybe he came looking for me, she thought dubiously. No most likely he got eaten by a bird; serves him right for eating out in the open. Oh, well, more for me.
A few hours later she had just finished off a leaf and was out to find another one when something caught her eye. It was brown, and curled up. Surely it can’t be a leaf! She thought shocked. That would me she was late changing.
Crawling closer to the brown thing she realized it was a chrysalis.
“Carl! How could you!?” She squealed in anger, “of all the selfish things to do!” she scolded the Carl-sized cocoon. “You get to sleep while I’m stuck out here it’s so rude, it’s…it’s – cosmopolitan! That’s what it is! It’s so rude the world, knows it! You just wait until you wake up and I’ll give you a piece of my mind!”
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Fall Semester is finally over, and I’m already starting to dread the Spring Semester, but let’s not think about that. Now that I have the time to write, and I mean truly sit down and just do it and not thinking about anything else, or rushing so that I can get it over with and move on to some sort of assignment, self assigned or otherwise.
The subject according to the subject heading I picked is inspiration. So, I’ll start there, the inspiration for this post is that I just visited my Aunt Christine in the hospital today. Well, she’s not really my aunt, but I’ve adopted her. She's just had brain surgery to have a tumor removed. I watched her going through the past year as she prepared herself physically, mentally and spiritually for this surgery and I think I will take away from this time watching and being with her as a really inspirational rather than a scary experience (though it certainly was). After all of the stress and worry it was good to see her picking at her indigestible hospital food and great us with a tired but sweet smile.
I met my aunt not long after my family moved to California and my Mama and I were looking for a place to grow as writers. We found the Coffee House Writers Group and I was very pleased to join it. Christine was both the leader and organizer of the group and now she has definitely earned the title Fearless leader. She's officially one of the bravest people I've ever met. Forget my veteran Grandfather, cousins and Great Uncle, anyone can get drafted.
So, after I wrote my title (yes, sometimes I write a title before writing a post) I asked myself after I chose my title, (or my title chose me) what inspires me? Who inspires me? But most importantly: what does it or they inspire me to do or be?
I thought of Christine and her poor head looking like something from a horror or graphic civil war film (which are pretty much the same thing) and Christine’s playful comment that she was going to be trying out for Frankenstein’s Monster’s Wife; although now that I think of it, one would be hard pressed to find someone casting for such a roll during Yuletide…
She inspires me to be happy, to be brave, to write, to smile, to live, to love and above all to be me, especially during hard times.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thinking, and seeing
Both my eyes are open
blind to the joy
deaf to the laughter
dumb to the well-spoken
Thinking is fearing
Doing is reckless
Loving is damning
Hating is worse.
Just sit there
And finish your story.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Lights up on stage, I’m practicing the piano on an average living room set. The sound of a door bell sounds. I stop playing startled. I go to door and look through peep hole.
Lights up on right corner of stage where two young men in white shirts and ties with backpack on standing at the door. Lights down over guys go as I step away from the door.
I walk upstage; more lights go up to where my brother has been quietly playing video games this whole time.
It's Jehovah witnesses.
I’m not answering it, are you?
The piano suddenly stops the moment they ring the door bell, they probably saw me from the window too.
Busy killing people on-line
I stand a moment before walking back to check the door just as there’s another knock. In a split second decision I open the door.
I look at the audience blue lights go on representing my thoughts.
None of your business, who are you?
I look at back at the door, lights go back to normal.
I’m Jim. This is Henry.
Nod at Henry in greeting.
We’re from the Jesus …… Church.
Lights go blue.
Well, thank God you’re not Jehovah Witnesses.
Lights go back to normal.
And we have a message for you.
Lights go blue again.
We have a ten minute speech that we do with all families we find and it’s just ten minutes, but it could change your life.
Do you think there is a time that we could speak to your entire family?
No, I don’t think so, thanks. You have a good day.
Walking back to brother.
I didn’t do too badly did I?
You did better than what I would have.
Yeah, I almost laughed.
When you snorted.
I didn’t snort.
Yeah you did right after he said their message would change your life.
I wasn’t aware of it.
Yeah, it was funny, I almost laughed out loud.
Well, if I did that badly, I guess I should just mess with their heads and say what I’m thinking, at least then I’ll be entertained. I’m going to hell anyways.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
It is insane
By the end of everyday
I should stay
Of something unpaid
Something left undone
From which I wish to run,
Like a bullet from a gun.
Ahh! The gun
After it went off
My fate did change
It opened wide the gate
Oh! No! Not the door!
Down the basement
When it hordes
A person once adored.
He was smitten,
Like a kitten
Not nearly as fit in
Pity I did take on him
But not long did it take
My soul to break
A clipping chipping,
My heart did sign
And like a useless
Tumor within me.
It did spread like a cancer
There was but one person to answer
For the numbness that is me.
Standing within the kitchen
Was the case of my affliction
To fulfill my intention was so easy.
Who would have thought freedom
Could come at so small an expense?
All I needed was the cheap pistol
Why by the handsome revolver when
The cheap thing will do the job?
Maybe once all is done
And all my cares are buried
And no more need me thought of
I shall learn to live before I die again.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I never really liked Terrance. Sure, he was charismatic and funny, he didn’t have a bad head on his shoulders either. No, it wasn’t his light, light blue eyes that always made him look high that caused me my reaction to stay away of him. It was something beneath the mask of personality he wore. I can’t really describe it either. I just know that the one time I sat next to him in class, I felt dirty. I took a half hour shower the moment I got back to the dorm. He didn’t even touch me, if he had I would have probably have needed to set that part of my body on fire to get rid of the feeling, and to keep it from spreading.
So, I can’t say I was shocked...well, yes I was shocked; the act in itself is shocking. The fact that one human-being could do something like that to another human-being is shocking, the fact that it happened at our campus, makes it even harder to swallow…Swallow, what a phrase!
The fact of the matter is because it was Terrance is the only reason I believed the story the first time I heard it.
He killed Ellen by forcing her to swallow drain cleaner.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
A player with words
Some say it’s the poet
But I put them all to shame.
I go down the dirt road
To see what I can find:
A vender selling apples
A not too common sight.
I stepped to a basket
And grabbed one for a bite
I know the sweeter insides
As it is my favorite part
But without the bitter skin
The sweetness has no more appeal.
I take a seat
To watch the afternoon
Pass me by.
Before long I nodded off
And I dream I did comprise.
I gazed upon an apple
Which landed in my lap.
Its mother, I knew not where she stood
All I know is her baby
Fell from the sky.
The smooth skin I knew so well,
Though yet easily broken
To press it in any place leaves a bruise.
Not unlike a heart
I thought as
I rolled the fruit
Between my hands.
Like a heart, that’s troubled love
Did press until a mark,
Was all that was left behind.
The bruise is not immediate
Show the mark, but only
To be found by gentle touch.
The wounds are sensitive
And if not remedied
Shall poison all the rest.
With many shaped and tones
It has many personalities.
The small blackened spots are old injuries.
They are tough and hard
They show experience and past.
It is beneath the dark surface
The sweetest juice is found.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I knew it was going to be a crappy day before I even opened my eyes. I could hear the soft pitter patter of rain that was hitting the shrubbery beneath my bedroom window, the uneven rhythm was interrupted by a sharp plunk as the occasional large drop of water fell of a tree leaf and hit a windowpane.
Rain is always good thing, that’s what my mom used to say “it makes everything green”. Yeah, too bad the good people of Southern California have no idea how to drive in the rain! I learned how to drive in the Ozark Mountains where what is called “rain” in So Cal was known as a “mist”. Buckets being poured from the sky was barely considered a storm, there had to be lightning, a gust, or hail (preferably all of the above) to be an undisputed “storm”, and we got plenty of storms all year.
The temperature must have dropped over night as well. My nose, exposed shoulders and arms felt as cold as marble while I tried to find my blankets by touch. My numb fingers fumbled as they found the edge of the comforter. Once I got a good grip, I gave it a swift pull and covered my freezing upper body only to uncover my toes. Curing up into a loose ball (and sticking my nose beneath the covers for good measure) I waited for the cool and lifeless fabric to warm up with my less than considerable body temperature.
I breathed in the familiar scent of my bed as my muscles slowly began to warm up and relax; that was when my alarm went off. I have nothing against Aerosmith, except when they are waking me up in the morning. My arm shot out and slammed on the off button. The cold surface of my radio seemed to suck the heat out of my hand and soon began to do the same to my arm. I quickly pulled it back under the covers.
I took a deep breath as I prepared myself of the shock my body would receive when I threw my covers back to sit up…and I had thought Monday was a bad day.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The lead singer of Spence reached out to me on facebook asking me to check out his bands page. I did and I 'liked' it because I really did like it. I then pointed him in the direction of my blog, he started following it and we've continued being friends on-line ever since. If you guys enjoy this song, please find Spence on facebook and click the 'like' button. I have a link at the bottom of this post so just click the play button, listen, click the link at the bottom of the post, sign into facebook, click 'like' and you're done. Easy huh?
Spence facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/#!/SpenceTheBand
P.S. Yes, Daniel is my friend, but he didn't ask me to do this. I just think he and his band deserve the referral. They just got a record deal and as I understand it are either touring now or will be very shortly, so be sure to see where they are at and go and see them!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
50 Things that are Right About Me
Here’s a good self-esteem booster I found on the blog of a fellow writer. Here’s the link to her blog: http://coreenamcburnie.blogspot.com/2011/09/50-things-that-are-right-about-me.html
Just list 50 things that are right about you, and it will help you realize there is nothing wrong with you.
1. I love to quilt with my Mama
2. I love my dog
3. I love both my brothers
4. I love my parents
5. I love to write
6. I have been a storyteller since I could speak
7. I love acting
8. I love to listening to Skillet
9. I love Amy Lee’s voice
10. I think Jacoby Shaddix is a hoot
11. I think Jerry Horton is hot
12. I think TV is a load of crap more times than not
13. I think Christine Bryant is a sweet heart
14. I think people over-use and misuse the word “friend”
15. I think my brother’s little dog is a little nuts
16. I think Billy Joe from Green Day should never get his teeth straightened
17. I love Three Days Grace’s last album “Life Starts Now”
18. I love giving my family hugs
19. I think that this year I will be able to pay for a dress that I’ve been dying to buy since I saw it.
20. I love the color pink
21. I think everyone looks better with long hair
22. School comes before my job
23. School comes after my family
24. Nothing comes after my family
25. Listening to music makes me happy
26. Listening to music makes me more creative
27. I love Chi tea
28. I’m okay with wearing no makeup
29. I don’t like short skirts
30. I love wearing hats
31. I’d rather wear glasses than contacts
32. I am a witch
33. I am a musician
34. I am a natural artist
35. I don’t care if people hate me for my hair color
36. I am drawn toward real people
37. I have a pretty mouth
38. I like my hands
39. I enjoy watching movies with my family
40. I love sunny days
41. I have the cutest dog in the world!
42. I have the cutest little brother in the world
43. I got my driver’s license on the third try
44. I like to sleep in
45. I like chatting with cool people on the internet
46. I exercise everyday
47. I always get my homework in on time
48. I like helping people
49. I like staying up late
50. I love living in California
Please follow my blog and friend me on facebook where I keep an update on all of my progress with my books and my blog. Thanks for your support.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Ever since we moved to California, my family and I have been unable to find a piano teacher we can afford. So, my brother’s and I have been teaching ourselves new pieces. Our old teacher, Fran, told us before we left that we all knew enough between the three of us that we could all keep learning with each other’s help and no teacher.
Yesterday I called Fran because I hadn’t contacted her in a while and had been meaning to for some time. Her husband picked up and I when I said my name he didn’t remember my name, but after I said I was the red-head who used to take lessons from Fran and they would always run late he remembered me and said he’d try to find her.
Fran was always more like the grandmother I never had than a piano teacher, she’s sweet and forgetful like an older woman should be, and she tends to go off on some story and then forget what her point was; though there was plenty of piano playing involved in the time we spent with her I assure you. She was just very special; I wish we could have brought her with us.
She answered the phone and was very pleased to hear me as she said at least five times throughout the phone call. She would just tack on to the end of her sentence, “and I’m so glad you called me dear, it’s so good to hear from you.” I don’t have the greatest memory in the world either, so this is not exactly the way the conversation went, but she is just so sweet and I miss her so much, I couldn’t avoid writing it down.
After she greeted me she said, "I knew you were going to call me, because I was thinking about you and I thought they should call me."
Me: And here I am!
Fran: Right dear, here you are, now how are things going have you found a job? (it‘s obvious in hindsight that she had wanted to ask this question since she got on the phone).
Me: Yes, I’m selling Avon.
Fran: Oh, really? That’s wonderful dear. How about your brother?
Me: He’s still looking.
Fran: Right well, I should have said this…but- I know it’s going to sound silly but, I think you all should try teaching piano. I think it would be a good experience for you since lessons are so expensive out there, you could probably find some little kids to teach and it will greatly benefit you, as well as making some money. You won’t charge as much because you don’t have a master’s degree and you have no experience, but that will be fair, and the teachers there shouldn’t get upset about you charging less because you don’t have any experience.
Fran: I mean, I learned so much after I started teaching. Because you have to think a lot; you have to ask yourself, ‘how am I going to teach this?’
Me: Yes, but I’m not sure what a good age to start would be, because as I got out doing my daily errands I see kids and a lot the five and six-years-olds are just so unruly.
Fran: Five year-olds are terrible and my old teacher got four five-years-olds and she didn’t want to teach them, so she gave them to me and I was seventeen-years-old and with no teaching experience at all! I had no idea what I was doing and they left after three weeks. I couldn’t control four five-year-olds! They were running around, jumping, and laughing at me. I had no control over them. So they left. Then after I got married and my first husband and I were living in Wichita Kansas, and like most young people, we were short on money. So my husband told me I needed to start teaching and I said ‘O-o-okay’ then I loved it. I learned so much! And the feeling that you get when your student goes to a recital and plays well is great. You can imagine what that did for my ego, because if your student does well, then you must be a good teacher.
Fran: And I am a very good teacher, I’m so old now, there’s really no point in modesty. I am a good teacher and have been for a long time. Then there’s my old student S- did you ever meet him?
Me: Yes, I believe I did once.
Fran: Well, he lives down in Florida and he works for a music store and he was doing pretty well, but he still needed some money, so he started teaching and he does rather well…I don’t know how I started talking about all of this.
Me: You think piano teaching would be good for me.
Fran: Right, yes, it would be very good I think for you and both your brothers, but especially you.
Around this time the phone was disconnected and I had to redial, I won’t go into all that we talked about, but after I spoke with her I decided that everyone needs a Fran in their life and my brothers and I are going to make an extra effort to speak to her more often.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Why do I stand off
to the side?
Why do I choose to
Break instead of abide?
Perhaps you’ll understand
I’m not like this by choice
I couldn’t be any other way,
Unless I wish to lie.
I’ve been shoved out
Of the main frame
Stabbed in the front
Shoved into lockers and
Told to change
Just a little too different.
Not afraid to be me.
You see people
In their little cliques
All the same.
They are soulless
Their too damn scared
To be themselves.
I walk in a straight line
Not on the left
Not on the right.
I find my peace
Some say I’m too free
I’m too calm
I’m better off at home in bed.
Just a little too different.
Can’t be labeled.
I just can’t fit in anywhere.
I’m just a little too different.
I make everybody realize
They’re not happy
With who they are.
They aren’t who they should be.
/so why can’t I
Just fall in line?
With one side or the other?
It’d make everyone else
Feel so much better.
But the only person
I need to make happy
Is me; not all of you.
Just a little too different.
Not okay with sacrificing my soul
Just to be like you.
I’m just a little too different to care.
I’m just a little too different to care.