Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I'm Going to Hell

Lights up on stage, I’m practicing the piano on an average living room set. The sound of a door bell sounds. I stop playing startled. I go to door and look through peep hole.

Lights up on right corner of stage where two young men in white shirts and ties with backpack on standing at the door. Lights down over guys go as I step away from the door.

I walk upstage; more lights go up to where my brother has been quietly playing video games this whole time.

Me

It's Jehovah witnesses.



Brother

Yeah.



Me

I’m not answering it, are you?



Brother

No.



Me

Chuckling

The piano suddenly stops the moment they ring the door bell, they probably saw me from the window too.



Brother

Busy killing people on-line

Hmm.



I stand a moment before walking back to check the door just as there’s another knock. In a split second decision I open the door.



Guy 1#

Hi there.



Me

Hi.



Guy 1#

Who are?



Me

I look at the audience blue lights go on representing my thoughts.

None of your business, who are you?

I look at back at the door, lights go back to normal.

Samantha.



Guy 1#

I’m Jim. This is Henry.



Me

Nod at Henry in greeting.



Jim

We’re from the Jesus …… Church.



Me

Lights go blue.

Well, thank God you’re not Jehovah Witnesses.



Lights go back to normal.



Jim

And we have a message for you.



Me

Lights go blue again.

Oh boy.



Normal lights.



Henry

We have a ten minute speech that we do with all families we find and it’s just ten minutes, but it could change your life.



Me

Snort.



Henry

Do you think there is a time that we could speak to your entire family?



Me

No, I don’t think so, thanks. You have a good day.



Jim

Thanks bye.



Me

Walking back to brother.

I didn’t do too badly did I?



Brother

You did better than what I would have.



Me

Really.



Brother

Yeah, I almost laughed.



Me

When?



Brother

When you snorted.



Me

I didn’t snort.



Brother

Yeah you did right after he said their message would change your life.



Me

I wasn’t aware of it.



Brother

Yeah, it was funny, I almost laughed out loud.



Me

Well, if I did that badly, I guess I should just mess with their heads and say what I’m thinking, at least then I’ll be entertained. I’m going to hell anyways.



Brother

Yeah.

Friday, July 22, 2011

My Week

This week was very emotionally demanding for me.
 This Monday as some of you may know, was a bigger drag than the regular Monday. I had some serious cramps, which I have not had to deal with on this level for a while, and I needed to make some reminder calls to some of my Avon customers, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if I had been feeling well, as it was, I wasn’t even sure I could speak without groaning, but I go through it alright.
Tuesday I went to the Whittier DMV office to take my driving test and I tell you here and now not to go there ever, ever. I got a woman who was determined to flunk me before she got in the car! Before she came all the way up to the car she ordered, didn’t request: ordered me to get the rosary off of the review mirror. I don’t think it made that much of a difference, but, okay, let’s say she’s worried that it would get in the way of me seeing what’s in the mirror, okay I can deal with that, I’m not that religious, I don’t care if it’s there or not; but still, I can think of at least thirty different ways for her to ask me to take it off the mirror that would have been acceptable from one human being to the other. So, I got Jesus down (wow that looks odd, I thought Jesus was supposed to get himself down [for clarification that’s a joke, and yes, I know I’m going to hell]) and stuck the beads in the cup holder. Once the instructor was in the car and we were going down a neighborhood, she didn’t pay any attention to my driving for the whole first half, she was more concerned with the fact that the air-conditioning in the car didn’t work. At some point she realized all the fussing in the world wasn’t going to get the air cooler in that car, and she told me to pull up to the curb behind a white car, then to stop. I did so, then she told me to backup, I did this, then I kept going, and going and going, I asked how far she wanted me to go, she said she’d tell me when to stop. So I kept going, I must have backed up over a hundred feet. The part of my brain that wasn’t occupied with not hitting the curb was wondering when this would be applicable in a real life situation. After that ridiculousness was over, I was thoroughly shaken and forgot to turn my blinker on and check before I pulled away from the curb, because logically, I was just looking back there and I knew no one was there to signal at, I know the rule is you check and signal no matter what because someone could be there, I know this, but it didn’t even cross my mind to do this until the test woman made a big show of looking behind us after I had already pulled away from the curb, and I thought “Crap,” okay so the word was a little stronger than that, “it’s too late now.” I half-heartedly looked over my shoulder and didn’t bother to flick the blinker on; it was way too late for that. After this I drove much slower, the whole time I was thinking, “What the fink” I’m paraphrasing, “is she going to make me do now?”  She complained about my slow driving and marked me down like I was driving too slowly through the entire drive, (which I wasn’t she was too busy with the air-conditioning to notice) so, she flunked me. That sucked, I need my license before the end of summer, or I don’t know what I’m going to do when school starts. Better luck this Monday I guess, Mama is going to try and teach me how to drive backwards between now and then. We’re going to go over the car controls in my brother’s car too, because I didn’t know where some of them were, (we’re in Southern California, when am I going to use the defroster?) So, hopefully I’ll get it this time, if the tester in Pomona is more reasonable; did I write “more reasonable”? I mean reasonable. Someone reasonable would be nice.
Wednesday was a little better; I went to group counseling for college and got my math level boosted up a level, which is great, because I want to spend as little time in that department as possible.
  Thursday, I rested, and my second Avon shipment arrived and I made all my deliveries, save one.
  Today I went over to a friend’s house and did some quilting stuff with them. I gave away some Avon brochures there, and then went shopping with my mom. So today was all about girl time, it was wonderful.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Belief

I remember when I was much younger and my family went to church, I didn’t realize for the longest time that people actually believed the stories in the Bible. It was a gradual realization, there wasn’t really a specific moment in time that it struck me that people took those stories seriously and as actual documented events. Like the Ancient Greek stories that my Mama told me, I thought they were good moral stories to learn from, and that church was just a place where people who had a particular connection with those stories gathered (which I found kind of odd, because I found the tales a little hard to understand because of the way they were written, but they were adults, sometimes adults did things that didn’t make sense to me because I’m the kid. It would all make sense once I was grown up, which in my mind was around fourteen or so). I remember not wanting to accept that adults believed these stories, and having to keep on reminding myself that they thought it was all real so I wouldn’t make a comment that might offend them.
  At one point I tried to think it was all true, I even said it out loud, but it rang false in my ears. The statement made me feel dirty, because I didn’t believe, I just wanted to, really badly, I wanted to, but I didn’t like the feeling that the Lord’s Prayer gave me when I recited it, it was the same feeling I got when I was trying to lie to someone.

  So for years I discouraged my family going to church. When my parents asked if I wanted to go, I would just say I didn’t like getting up early, and they would leave it at that and let me sleep. One year on Easter Papa was feeling some pressure from his boss to go to this Easter play his boss’s church was putting on. I tried to pass the “too early” excuse, but it was an evening show. So we went, and I remember feeling some surprise after the show was over and everyone was invited to come up to the alter and be forgiven all of their sins, and neither of my parents budged. Later, our parents bought us some shakes for behaving so well, even though none of us had wanted to go. As we slurped they explained that sometimes in the work world you had to do things that you wouldn’t normally do, and in this case it was either Papa would have to spend hours on his boss’s boat to go fishing, or go to this play; and that if he didn’t do either, it would have been very awkward. We asked what they thought of the Easter story; the most that they would commit to was that if Jesus was a real person, it didn’t really affect us because it was so long ago. I felt a rush of relief, because I felt that way too, though I wouldn’t have been able to put it to words. It wasn’t until years later that I found out that my parents never stated their own beliefs because they wanted my brothers and I to find our own way, and not be influenced by their opinions when we were too young to make our own, and no matter what conclusions we reached, they would accept it and love us no matter what.

  In my late teens whenever I made a statement about beliefs or religion in general, Mama would present the opposite side of the arguments, which baffled me, then she told me she just wanted me to have my arguments down to the letter, so my opinions would be complete, like a house with four walls, a door and a roof (I’m paraphrasing, she didn’t say this exactly.) As I became more observant and I just saw more of the world in general, I learned that there were people out there who had their opinions, and stood by them, even though their “house” was very incomplete, the one thing that they had finished was a closed and padlocked door to keep all other options and opinions out. So because of my parent’s unique and wise way of upbringing, I feel confident in my house, and that I try to keep all doors and windows open, and I’m not afraid of remodel as circumstances change in my life.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Rebecca

Standing by the edge of hope
Of the precipice divine
We two walk a tight rope
For love so hard to define.
 
My Becky grasps my hand
Through the ridicules that measures in hours
Never alone shall I stand
No one can break this love of ours.
 
They say we are unnatural
They declare us unclean
God’s word is factual
What we are is obscene.
 
Within my heart there lies
The ever growing truth
If this feeling for Becky I must despise
Than pardon me, for being uncouth,
 
But I’d rather be crucified
Then walk away from her
For there would be no way to justify
Walking away from her.
 
We’re not the true issue of your debate
I don’t think we’re that different
We feel pain, fear, and hate
All the joys of Earth we too appreciate,
 
So what is your hate in us
What is it that you fear?
If you’re reasons are true and just
You may speak plainly here.
 
You have no new answer?
No reason behind your claim
Well then my dear pastor
Who is it I should put the blame
 
Of all the stones thrown
And taunts yelled
For the feelings that are my own?
Who has taught all others that we shall be repelled?
 
Return the subject back to God
The unseen Father we must adore,
I do not believe it is the will of God
To give me this love, so I maybe hurt more.
Now my life is filled with sorrow
No epitaph shall cover the feelings abound
That I feel at never seeing Becky on the morrow
For she, a love so sweet, never another be found.
 
My heartaches for my Becky
To see her smile once more
None felt the pain, more than my Becky
Every shout and cry left her feeling sore.
 
Until the grief was too great
And she lost her sweet smile
The ill words left her in such a state
Yet she hid it from me all the while.
 
No one will tell me how she died
They say it’s not my business
For many an hour I have cried
For wondering how Becky called for Death’s kiss.
 
No one informed me of the funeral
I discovered it alone
So now I stand before you all
Here I stand alone
 
No one will take my hand
No one will dry my tears
Here alone I stand
As I will for coming years.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lady Jane Grey

"Innocent Traitor; A Novel of Lady Jane Grey" by Alison Weir is the book I have been reading lately. Alison Weir is an excellent writer and historian who paints a very vivid setting of the mid 1500's in the political world of the time.
Lady Jane Grey lived a very short and all references agree - wretched life. As a young girl, she was no doubt kept in the dark about much of the plans that were made about her own life until deals were made and the contracts sealed. in order to paint the full picture of the intertwined religious and political structure and power struggles surrounding her life, we must look beyond what she knew and what others did concerning her. Alison Weir weaves and excellent story consisting of all the view points of the people who made the decisions that brought about Lady Jane's life course to a tragic end.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Inspirational Thoughts on Life

I figured most people have some sort of personal Inspirational realization through their life; some pieces of information that have snapped together and no matter who you are or how much time elapses, thoughts that won’t ever change. This is merely my teenage Inspirational thoughts, I have them weekly. One day I just decided that I’d write it down as some kind of speech. Now I’ve decided to rewrite it as a blog. But in essence it’s the same thing that I originally wrote down.

First off, I will acknowledge the fact that everyone has a different way of approaching everything, whether it is a problem, job choice or anything else, so I will start this off by stating that what this says may or may not work for you personally. Everyone’s way of dealing with life differs from person to person. So, I won’t bother trying to sell that what I am about to say is true for you.

Goals

I know an excellent thing for everyone (and everybody does it, consciously or otherwise) is to set goals. Goals are a way of knowing what you want, and having an idea of how you are going to get it. One’s position always influences the goals one has; a position also changes the way to reach certain goals. Your position could determine if the goal you have could mean more or less work for you. So, why should anybody ever even bother to tell anybody what a “good goal’ is? Quite frankly, no one should. No one has any right to tell you what you can or cannot do, or can or cannot achieve.
For that reason, I’m not going to bother going into what a “good” or “bad” goal is, but just for the brief I’m trying to make I’ll just list some examples: gaining a college scholarship, graduating college, a job promotion, a good/successful relationship with a partner. Goal setters are recognized as outgoing people, and if you really want what you’re setting your goal for, you will achieve it, one way or another.

Wishes

I also firmly believe that everyone should wish less. Wishes should be made only once in a great while, over a birthday cake, or on a shooting star. Wishing is the wanting something without having the initiative or determination to go and get it yourself; it’s wanting something that you think you can only gain with the help of a Divine Other. Wishes are over-used, and are often a big waste of time. But as humans, we can’t help but wish for things that are impossible to achieve, like wanting to speak with an ex-President…whose dead; or wishing that a puppet would turn into a real boy. Wishing is a way of wanting things that are completely out of our hands, with no exceptions.
Wishing less is something that someone with a high self-esteem and self-loving person is smart should strive for; because wanting things that are impossible can only make you be disappointed and discontent with life.


Dreams

Now dreaming is something we all need to do often, but like all things it can be over done, and like all people, the limit line is different for everyone. But I think I can safely say everyone needs to dream more often. It can be looked at as a more healthy form of wishing, though it’s not really even close if you think about it.
We have established that the art of wishes are people hoping for things that are completely out of reach, and often times impossible: like winning the lottery. Dreams on the other hand, are when you want something that is possible to have, and there is a clear way of getting whatever it is (in a lot of cases, dreams can be the beginnings of a goal.) Dreaming is thinking up a goal before the goal has been set.
Dreaming is what makes a lot of people push harder, to do better and be better. What we dream about, (and how often) determine the type of people that we are.
Dreamers can be good-natured people that are always trying to do better. But like most wishes, some dreams don’t come true too. Usually the reason for this is even if you do all you can do to reach your goal, and dream with all your might, there is a chance that it can all go down the drain. How you take your failure that determines what kind of a dreamer you are: Whether you are the disappointed or the ordinary kind.
The worst thing that you can probably do when a dream spoils is to blame yourself when it happens. I think a lot of stuff we all want (70% to 90%) have portions that are another person’s choice. So even in dreaming you’re still relying on someone else to get what you want. 70% to 90% of one dream needs someone else’s positive action to make your dream come true. Blaming yourself on “wasted” dreams, breeds resentment, and restlessness. I believe one of the worst things anybody can do is blame yourself when something is out of your control. But that doesn’t mean you can be irresponsible.
Everything isn’t your entire fault, but sometimes it is you that shattered your dreams. But it isn’t common that a situation is caused totally and utterly by one’s self.
So, dream more, be responsible, and don’t blame yourself needlessly.




Caring

We all need to care about something. What you care about makes you a better person; whether you are caring about others like family, you partner, or children. Caring and doing good go hand-in-hand. If you really care you do something. And when you do something, it causes change, and things can only change for the better if you care. Caring for something gives you a goal and you dream about what is the best way to achieve that goal, and caring about your goal, keeps you focused. And when you’re focusing on a goal, you’re doing something and you’re working on making your dreams come true.
If we all cared more, we can make better children, better families, better neighborhoods, better communities, and a better world.



“Do no Evil”

The last and probably the most important things to add to my list are to “Speak no evil, hear no evil.” “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” “Hurt no others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” “What is hateful to you do not to you fellow man……” “….desire for your brother that which (you) desire for (yourself).” “Bless is who preferreth his brother before himself.” *
You would think with it written in so many ways in so many places, it would be catching!
The saying “speak no evil, hear no evil” the one that means the most to me would be the "speak no evil", but the one most people need is the “hear no evil” since we are all gossipers at heart and like to hear when someone else has it as bad, or worse off than we do ourselves, it makes us feel better about our own situation.
“Speak no evil.” Everyone does it. Gossiping (again), back-talking, lying, cussing, telling unkind truths in hurtful ways, the list is endless.
Words can’t break bones…they hurt more. The people closest to you, can break you more easily and more thoroughly than anything in the world; and it’s their words that hurt more than anyone else’s. Because the people close to you know the most about you, they are the people you trust to know the most about you. And they can break you, and you can break them too; which is why words from a loved one can hurt more than any stone could; because they have abused the information that you have entrusted in them to respect and to keep, and that hurt runs deep.
“Speak no evil; hear no evil…..do no evil”

* You may have noticed I’ve altered a few of the quotes to make them more appropriate for my point. The reason I changed the first saying raises a good point that I feel needs to be written. The saying is “Speak no evil, see no evil, and hear no evil” in my opinion, you need to see evil. If you see evil, and recognize it for what it is, then you have acknowledged that fact that something needs to change, then you are dreaming of something better. If you care enough to try to change whatever it is you have given yourself a goal. And you will start working on a better world, even if it doesn’t work out in this lifetime, you would have realized that the meaning of life is to enjoy the good things that are in life already, and to see if you can’t make it better.

Friday, May 14, 2010

A Snowman's Chance in Hell

A Snowman's chance in hell,
I could not tell
If it is the average image of it,
He would not last a minute.
Fire and torture, torture and fire.
However,
does one consider,
that maybe hell is cold?
Remember that song of old?
"When hell freezes over"
Well, do not tell
But my picture if hell
It is frozen over.
A man made of snow
Will last forever
In the never
ending storm of Snow.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Songs That Help Us To Remember

Song of Love
Song of Joy
Song of Memory
Song of Battle
Song of Lost
Song of Memory
Song of Hate
Song of Fate
Song of Memory
Song of Death
Song of Past
Song of Memory
Song of Change
Song of Victory
Song of Memory
Song of Murder
Song of Blood
Song of Memory
Song of Life
Song of Child
Song of Memory

Monday, April 19, 2010

Buddhist Temple


One sunny Sunday afternoon, an average American family drove down to the Buddhist Temple in Hacienda Heights California. The father was telling the rest of the family that the last time he had seen the temple it was still under construction, but even in its unfinished state it had been extraordinary to see. As the family pulled up to the parking lot entry, the mother expressed concern that perhaps the general public could only go inside on certain days, or on an appointed tour. But the father point to the clearly written WELCOME sign past the entrance at the gate. He said, since there was a greeting in English, he thought it would be alright. Once the family secured a parking space, the family stood in awe of the intricate detail and beauty of the temple. Once they walked into the looming entrance, they looked at the huge alter immediately inside the door. The entire family felt deeply embarrassed and self-conscious, for they had not thought to bring anything. They all briefly admired the inside of the entrance building, then went along a hallway to the left of the entrance doors. They went out into the sunshine and again, the family lost their breath at the sight of a second temple across the courtyard.
The family had not expected to see so much. So there was not enough time to truly admire the gardens, or to visit the museum, or to spend much time in the gift shop. So, the family left that afternoon, having seen more than they had expected, however not fully satisfied with their rather rushed and choppy self-tour. But they all left with the conviction that it would not be the last time they laid eyes on the Buddhist Temple.
(The writer acknowledges that she is not familiar with the terminology of the Buddhist Temple in Hacienda Heights. She begs the readers to forgive her ignorance, she meant no offence. She just wished to share the beauty and the experience of visiting the temple with others.)